Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
