He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I will be naked everywhere
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
