How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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