tell your sister to shave her snatch
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
