We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
