I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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