I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
