too bad you live with your parents still
This house was built for laser tag.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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