Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
