There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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