I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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