you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
