don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
