I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
