By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Randomize
