it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize