You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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