i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
