come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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