This girl is more easily done than said...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
