the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
