your thong is hanging out like whoa
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You need a sexual gate keeper
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
