Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
