Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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