Sponge bath it is.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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