doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize