So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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