I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize