I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
