i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize