I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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