I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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