This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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