a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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