he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
