i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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