I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
