His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
How does it feel to date your dad?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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