im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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