: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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