i just wanna soil my oats bro
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
