Acid is not a monday night drug
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
