I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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