I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
