Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
