She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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