TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
