if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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