I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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