i dedicated my morning wood to you.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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