You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
