Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
this boner is exhausting
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
