Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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