Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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