Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize