Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
