It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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