I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaÃt comercial?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
