Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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