he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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