he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
