The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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