I just made out with a guy for $7.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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