Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
