bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
