talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
In other news, I just burned my penis
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
