Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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