so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
